pain... eeeeeek

There really isn't a moment lately where I've felt completely, I mean 100% well. I kind of expect that since I'm getting a little older but this feeling, this crippling pain is wearing on me. My joints, muscles, every fiber of my being hurts. It's almost as if touching me is like sticking a hot skillet on my bare skin, I wretch at the very gesture. Sadly the boys tend to be very careful the way they sit on my leg's, the way they hug or grab me because they have gotten so used to me saying, ouch or that hurts... I hate that I can't do normal things like exercise and walk on a daily basis because of the pain. It's depressing and honestly, I feel a little hopeless without insurance that this is going to end anytime soon. The insurance the post office offers, well it sucks right now until John gets a career position. Not only does it barely cover necessities, anything serious and forget it, it's mostly out of pocket. Hardly worth the paper it's written on. We were very disappointed but hey, it's kind of expected. The government employee's used to be well take care of but even when John was in the Marine Corp, although most the major medical was covered, there were additional things like dental and vision we had to pay. 

I haven't seen my hematologist for over a year & 1/2 because I have no insurance. Haven't had a treatment since a year ago in March, hence the horrible fibromylgia  flair ups. The overload of iron causes me to have migraine's and muscle, joint and nerve pain when it's high. My treatment's should be free with Central Blood Bank but since my Dr. left the practice I have to see someone else who is unfamiliar with my history and that will require an extensive work up and blood work in order to facilitate the blood bank the necessary treatment plan and schedule for my phlebotomy's. It's like a vicious circle that doesn't end. The ladies at the clinic keep telling me I have to apply for disability so that I stop going without my treatments but honestly, I'd rather just get some kind of temporary insurance until John's work provides us with better options but time is running out... Hemochromatosis is progressive and without therapeutic treatment's it will kill me eventually. I will suffer from organ failure, the big C or pancreatic issue's, liver failure etc. I cannot put my kids through that. I guess what it comes down to is that I'm at a point where options are limited and I'm going to do something one way or another. I cannot live like this any longer :(