*Wasteland*

It is in these early morning hours that my thoughts are most stirred. Through God's grace and redemption, my heart has become softened to the idea that I need to refocus my energy on things that are more positive. With all the moving and having to settle down once more it has been difficult for us to get back on track. This is quite possibly the longest we have not gone to church on a regular basis and it's truly affecting us in a negative way. The patterns that we create often become habit if we let them go on for too long. I know that the boys miss church. They miss the other kids and I feel horrible for allowing the excuse that I'm too busy be the only reason we haven't been attending. You get lazy and self absorbed to the point that your focus is not where it needs to be. I need to work on that, A LOT. 

I have to admit that I have allowed certain things, negative things to creep back into my life. There comes a time where you have to make a decision to either remove yourself from situations that cause you to stumble or walk away from individuals who are influencing your decisions. I did that and felt better for a long time. Then when we moved to Sligo area I met up with an old friend. A friend that was part of my life, long before I refocused my energy and devotion on God. Now let me just say that it is not this person's fault that I started to lose myself again. I did that on my own. The problem is, we have to make a conscious decision to either get back on track or keep falling of the donkey, per say. I allowed myself to consistently go against my faith and belief in God because it felt good to do so. Having fun, letting yourself fall back into patterns that are destructive can affect everything, even people around you. I noticed that I was listening to music that I knew was inappropriate, I was watching television shows and reading material that was more worldly. I was losing myself once more. 

Praise God that I am able to recognize when I feel myself slipping. There is a certain amount of conviction that follows when you make the choice to become a Christian, even more so when you choose to live for God not yourself. If not for this reason I would consistently test boundaries like a child. If you are immature in your faith especially, it is important to focus on Biblical studies, finding time for God in an intimate setting. Praying, reading scripture, spending time with those who can help you to build your relationship with Him. 

I long for that kind of relationship with God. I know my heart desires to be closer to my creator. I'm going to reduce the amount of time that I spend doing things that are less productive and start re-focusing on what I know to be of more importance. I'm sure I will miss the freedom of sitting here at the computer wasting valuable time on Facebook. The randomness of Pinterest and just being able to relax and unwind but I can do all those things by sitting down and reading God's word. Maybe picking up a Bible or devotional or even doing a study is what I need to occupy my time, something, anything would be more educational then what I've been doing. I'm ready to close this chapter.