Lead Me

I am in one of the strangest seasons of my life this year. I don't mind saying that in the past I have worried... I worried a lot! I had so many fears that it left me feeling crippled both physically and emotionally. Fear and worry are not of God, they are spiritual attacks the devil uses to gain control of our minds and hearts. If you allow them to rule your life you are giving the enemy power over you. That being said, the word God gave me this year for him was "Teacher". At first I wondered what I was going to do with that, what did it mean? Well I thought about last year and he was my "Mighty Tower". All year I had so many issues with my families health, John's job/he was gone so much... I felt alone and afraid, like I wasn't sure I could manage things. God was there with me and showed me that once again I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I made big mistakes last year, horrible mistakes and poor decisions but God loved me through them enough to bring me to a better place. I have been praying for God to give me a sense of direction, to show me what he desires from me and though I'm still nowhere near certain what that will be, I'm certain that in trusting his guidance I will make better decisions and be a better wife and mom because of it. I am allowing myself to be a student this year. His student. He is teaching me through self discipline and being in a student mindset that I am capable of learning and growing not only in my faith but also in character and as a Christian. I have a heart for missions and am coordinating a trip for the Appalachian's but I also want to start the Norma Mae Cares Foundation in memory of my mom, bless her heart. She cared for so many and gave so effortlessly love and food to anyone and everyone who entered our home. I take very seriously the task of caring for the orphans and widows, it's what God commands us to do. So yes, this year will have many challenges but I'm facing them without fear and worry and knowing God will lead me, teach me and love me through this new adventure.

Love One Another

Mommy, mommy, wake up... It's Valentine's Day and I love you! My 6 year old son woke me up with those words this morning and let me just say, I feel blessed! Both of my children say I love you, sometimes 20-30 times a day and it makes my heart smile each and every time! I love my boys immeasurably and I can't imagine my life without the joys of motherhood. Even with the terrible icky parts, it's an awesome job and the pay is priceless! I'm thinking about all of my kiddos today, Tamara, Moises and Cynthia, we miss them dearly. I can only pray that God blesses each of them with the love they deserve. I think about the children of this world that are without parents or family today and it breaks my heart. I cry for the orphans and widows. I am reminded of people, like my mother and grandmother's that gave me unconditional support and love through out my life, I miss them so much. When I envision a world through the eyes of God I imagine people like Mother Theresa, Princess Diana, Papa Joe loving the poor and it gives me hope. This day is more than about loving just your spouse and children. It's about loving perhaps the unloved, the unlovable. I encourage you to do that, show an act of kindness, give the gift of a smile or hug. You may not gain material value but I guarantee your heart will smile and so will God!

Love

In just a couple days John and I will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. Can it even be possible that its been that long? We started dating 21 years ago which means we have been together over 1/2 our life. What an amazing accomplishment! There have been struggles along the way; smiles, disapointments, laughter and tears but through it all one thing remained, our desire to love each other as God instucts us to. He has been my best friend, my comforter, my companion, my lover and provider, even a confidant. I am blessed with his love every day of my life and I thank God for giving me such an amazing man to call my own. We are a work in progress, yes but every day that we are together God is transforming us, molding us by his own design. I'm greatful for our family, our 2 sweet boys and the wonderful people in our lives who love and support us every day. In so many ways you have inspired us to try harder and to push forward during the storms. Every day is a new day, a day to love and we are amazingly blessed to do so.

Super Mom= WOW!

I have a tremendous amount of respect for moms. I remember thinking to myself as a young girl, "my mom is my own personal super hero". This of coarse followed my mom cleaning up vomit, rubbing my back for hours, making me warm jello to drink and kissing my boo boo_'s. Who does that, I mean... who besides your mom? Well these past few days I have even more appreciation for moms everywhere. You are highly underrated, so give yourself a great big pat on the back! Take a few minutes for yourself tonight. Have that cup of tea that's been calling your name for hours, soak your feet with a good book in hand and love yourself enough to appreciate a few minutes of me time because you deserve it!

Lead Me

Have you ever opened your mouth and the words get all jumbled up or what you thought you were going to say came out but just didn't make any sense? I often brainstorm prior to speaking if the response I'm going to give requires deep thought. I'm typically very well versed in terms of speaking about things I'm passionate about but lately I feel like God has been telling me to slow down. The name he has given himself for me this year is "Teacher". I have been doing a tremendous amount of soul searching recently. I've been asking God to reveal my purpose and to show me the areas he'd like me to serve. I've been feeling called for awhile to minister to the lost, the poor and orphaned. I think it's something we've all been commanded to do but for me it goes beyond that. I feel like I've been waiting for my mission, like God has been prepping me for something larger but I just don't know what yet.

When John and I initially started fostering we didn't have children of our own. We decided that while we were waiting on God's perfect timing, we would foster and perhaps later pursue adoption through that avenue if things went well. We got certified as therapeutic foster parents in Virginia which basically meant we were eligible to take on cases that were a little more demanding. Some of the children placed in therapeutic care require much more attention and services than the typical placements. Physically or emotionally, these kids really need a great amount of patience and love. It troubled my heart tremendously what these children endured while in the care of those who claimed to love them. It is difficult bringing a new person into your home, especially so when it's a child who has been hurt, whose scared and not sure what to expect themselves. Everybody walks on eggshells for a little while. There is always a honeymoon period first when you're all on your best behavior, well for the most part *sigh*. After a week or so passes and you become more comfortable with each other, you start to see personality changes, people start being more honest, like and dislikes start to become more obvious. This is when the trials begin.

We faced this again and again with our foster children. It was often a struggle but one thing remained, our desire to help them adjust and to show them love, real love could make a difference. They desired normalcy, something they could count on but every grain within them would fight it, they'd push us away. With every step forward there were 2 steps backwards, this is what became the cycle. It's tiring, you get horribly exhausted and feel like it's never going to end but every once in awhile you'd get a glimmer of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. It was in those moments I saw God's smile shining through their eyes and it have me hope to continue.

John and I continue to feel God's hand leading us forward to foster more children. I've been reluctant in my spirit because having 2 children of my own the protective side of me is screaming in protest. What will we bring into our home, what struggles will arise, how can I be sure we will be safe... Then I hear God speak softly, "Do you trust me?" Of coarse I do! Well then, what else can I do but proceed and place all of my cares in His hands. My children are compassionate, they are loving. Perhaps through serving the Lord they will show others the love of God. That's our mission, our families calling.

Raise Them Up

I am so thankful this week for my family, my friends and our health. I know so many who are grieving the loss of loved ones and it breaks my heart for them. Sometimes the only thing you can do is pray when there are not enough flowers or words to comfort those who have been left behind. I still recall the numbness of losing my mom, the surreal feeling that it was this crazy dream and that I would somehow wake up and things would be normal again, sadly that never happened.

I do not fear death itself but I do tremble at the thought of leaving behind 2 of the most precious gifts I've ever been given. I pray a hedge of protection around them ever single night, that God sends his angels to guard and watch over them. As a mother I have never feared anything more in my life then the loss of one of my children, the mere thought leaves me breathless. The only thing that keeps me from driving myself utterly insane is releasing those fears, praying about them and recognizing who holds tomorrow. I know in my heart this world is fleeting. God has taken the sting of death and someday we all will face our destiny. It is for that reason my attitude has shifted recently to creating an environment for my family that is more eternally focused. I am trying to be a better example for my children, showing them the love of God. We all fall short, we all experience failure but this one thing, we will never give up on. We want our children, God's children to have salvation. I would give my final breath to know my children have eternal life. There is nothing more that I want for them in this life than to know their Savior and accept Him as their own. I will never forget Christmas of 2012 when Ian spoke the prayer of salvation. He was only 5 years old. Nothing in the world is more important to me. We live in a dying world, it's so important to recognize that and to teach our kids about God. I'm so thankful for the men and woman and teens who every week volunteer to teach or help with Awana's and children's church, they are such a blessing to us. The job doesn't end there, it never should. We are entrusted the care of these beautiful children and we need to raise them up to know the Lord. There is nothing more important! Nothing. Without salvation we are all like lost sheep wondering through the wilderness with no shepherd.

and if our God is for us...

What a wonderful Counselor and mighty God we serve. These past couple days I have started something new. Every time the boys are acting out, not listening, being disrespectful or ignoring me I call them aside and make them repeat a Bible verse that relates to that offense. Sounds harsh? Well I make them repeat it 10 times, how's that for this tough mommy? Funny thing is that an amazing thing happened tonight when I enacted this new discipline technique. After the second time of using it Ian did something a little unusual... He wept. At first I wondered what was wrong because he was rubbing his eyes but after I realized that wasn't what he was doing I hugged him and asked what was wrong. Was it humility? No, this was the true act of repentance, the way God wants us to respond to his diclipline. It occurred to me that when I'm acting horribly and not obeying God I hurt his heart, it truly aches as mine did for Ian but God loves me so much that he allows me to fall on my knees and repent of my sin and ask for forgiveness just as Ian did. He said the verse that I read to him and had him repeat made him sad because he knew that he wasn't doing what God asked him to do. How completely profound that was for me that a child of only 6 years old taught me, an adult of 39 years what true repentance looks like. Thank you God for showing me your ways and for giving me such a tremendous gift. <3