Lead Me

Have you ever opened your mouth and the words get all jumbled up or what you thought you were going to say came out but just didn't make any sense? I often brainstorm prior to speaking if the response I'm going to give requires deep thought. I'm typically very well versed in terms of speaking about things I'm passionate about but lately I feel like God has been telling me to slow down. The name he has given himself for me this year is "Teacher". I have been doing a tremendous amount of soul searching recently. I've been asking God to reveal my purpose and to show me the areas he'd like me to serve. I've been feeling called for awhile to minister to the lost, the poor and orphaned. I think it's something we've all been commanded to do but for me it goes beyond that. I feel like I've been waiting for my mission, like God has been prepping me for something larger but I just don't know what yet.

When John and I initially started fostering we didn't have children of our own. We decided that while we were waiting on God's perfect timing, we would foster and perhaps later pursue adoption through that avenue if things went well. We got certified as therapeutic foster parents in Virginia which basically meant we were eligible to take on cases that were a little more demanding. Some of the children placed in therapeutic care require much more attention and services than the typical placements. Physically or emotionally, these kids really need a great amount of patience and love. It troubled my heart tremendously what these children endured while in the care of those who claimed to love them. It is difficult bringing a new person into your home, especially so when it's a child who has been hurt, whose scared and not sure what to expect themselves. Everybody walks on eggshells for a little while. There is always a honeymoon period first when you're all on your best behavior, well for the most part *sigh*. After a week or so passes and you become more comfortable with each other, you start to see personality changes, people start being more honest, like and dislikes start to become more obvious. This is when the trials begin.

We faced this again and again with our foster children. It was often a struggle but one thing remained, our desire to help them adjust and to show them love, real love could make a difference. They desired normalcy, something they could count on but every grain within them would fight it, they'd push us away. With every step forward there were 2 steps backwards, this is what became the cycle. It's tiring, you get horribly exhausted and feel like it's never going to end but every once in awhile you'd get a glimmer of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. It was in those moments I saw God's smile shining through their eyes and it have me hope to continue.

John and I continue to feel God's hand leading us forward to foster more children. I've been reluctant in my spirit because having 2 children of my own the protective side of me is screaming in protest. What will we bring into our home, what struggles will arise, how can I be sure we will be safe... Then I hear God speak softly, "Do you trust me?" Of coarse I do! Well then, what else can I do but proceed and place all of my cares in His hands. My children are compassionate, they are loving. Perhaps through serving the Lord they will show others the love of God. That's our mission, our families calling.