A moment of reflection has given me new perspective and insight about where I am right now at this point in my life. I certainly never dreamed I'd be facing the same challenges that I have been for nearly all of my life but yet here I am at this crossroads and I feel like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. My mother's health deteriorated greatly after having children. She went from a very petite frame and weighing barely 100 lbs. to gaining a tremendous amount of weight after 5 kids. Call it stress, heredity, what you will. The point is, she felt overwhelmed, tired and emotionally drained, all of the things that I feel every day, that most mom's feel. Being a stay at home mother has tremendous rewards, but in those rewards, there are moments of insanity, moments where I wish I were on a deserted beach laying in the sand as the ocean's waves crash against the shore rocking me to sleep. Oh yes, the inevitable calgon commercial, that's the one.
I think that the expectations are elevated a little today in comparison with previous generations where mothers were at home and expected to cook, clean, parent and look pretty. Now there is so much emphasis on career, goals, education, etc. that it's hard to figure out where you're supposed to fit into the gene pool yet alone as a mother, wife and provider.
I pray everyday for an opportunity to help my husband provide for our family. I don't like that he has to work long hard hours for what seems squat at times but this is life and each of us have a role to play in it. I pray that when I go to bed at night I recognize the importance of each smile, each kiss and every little I love you spoken among my sweet little family. My boys are a blessing, my husband a saint and me, I'm just a housewife :)
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