Use Me

I have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately. The medical nonsense has been making it difficult to really focus on anything else. Seems like our health has been under attack by the enemy. With all of this going on I haven't been taking care of things very well. I've been procrastinating and letting everything pile up which makes me feel even more overwhelmed. I did manage to get some laundry done the other day, just wish I could accomplish more. John's surgery is next week so it's important that I get as much done as I can so that I don't get further behind. Today I am going to be playing catch up.

That being said, I haven't been spending enough time in the word. I've been watching TOO much television and neglecting God. Last night I took a few minutes before bed and read some Bible verses. Lately something has been repeating in my mind from a book that I read titled "Made to Crave" by Lysa Turkhurst. "Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. I hadn't realized that this was even a Bible verse. I know what you're thinking and I'm not a Bible scholar by any means but I should have picked up on this because this is just one of many thousands of Bible verses that should stand out for obvious reasons. This is the full verse: "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is constructive 1 Corinthians 10:23. What a great great verse this is. I often need reminded about my inability to do things on my own. It is a character flaw that I possess, always feeling like I can go it alone, never having any one's help. God has been showing me recently that this thought process is unnecessary and counter productive to his plan for my life. John and I both feel a strong calling to be in a service related field. We both feel that calling in our life and that God will use us for his purpose when the time is appropriate. It's not always easy waiting on God's timing. This is something I have learned well through the years of infertility. I can see the reward in retrospect now and know that it's worth the effort. God rewards you for faithfully pursuing what he has called you to do but what if you don't know what that is? 

Not knowing what your purpose is, it's frustrating and sometimes challenging for many reasons. I often feel like I'm spinning my wheels. It's like walking a treadmill. You do it because you know it's important to stay on track but all the while you feel like you're standing still and getting nowhere in the process. That's the gerbil affect. I have been asking God to reveal my gifts, to help me recognize where I am needed and where he would like to use me. Up till now, I still don't know where that is and that most certainly has kept me from successfully committing to just one thing. If I do so I'm afraid that I'll chose something wrong, that it won't be the right one thing. Does that make sense? So this week I am committing to learning more about who I am through God's word and I am hoping that He will lead me and show me what it is He would like me to do. Whatever it is, I have no doubt that God will allow me to become successful at it because I only want to glorify Him. This is my desire Lord, to be used by you.