Hope

Occasionally the darkness of our past returns and casts shadows on our present. Demons you thought you slayed return with a vengeance and reek havoc on our souls. I am in a period of drought, a rough patch that feels all to familiar. I did something this past week though, I got help. Sometimes the biggest step is taking the hand of those we trust and allowing them to guide us through the storm, to be our beacon of hope. I went to a support group, a place where other Christians like myself are also struggling with life issues, sometimes very personal or even embarrassing problems. It's a place where you feel safe to talk about these things in confidence without feeling judged. I'm so grateful that I made it through the door, that I didn't run and try to escape. I am thankful that I had support and that I didn't feel alone in this journey. I am hopeful that I will get through this and that someday I will look back with confidence and know that my fears are not bigger than my God. I have secretly, through the years battled with an eating disorder. I wrote in my blog about it when I was in my early 20's. It's important that you understand its not so much about weightloss as it is about control. Bulimia doesn't have a size, it knows no boundaries or have a sexual preference. It affects thousands of normal people, just as other eating disorders. It has taken me many years to understand why I binge and purge. I hate the way it makes me feel. I am trying to confidently move forward with my treatment, to get help before it destroys me. I cannot change the past but I can do better in the future. One day at a time, baby steps baby steps to the elevator...