This has been a very crazy month, so many things going on and all at once it seems. I have been struggling a lot with time management and just feeling exhausted a lot of the time. I haven't been keeping up with my treatments either, this is something that I have to change, I know. How I feel completely changes my attitude. When I'm feeling as horrible as I do right now somethings got to give. I really do need to take better care of myself. I am afraid of what will happen if I don't make that a priority. I'm turning 39 in only a little over a week and I fear that I won't be here to see my babies graduate if I don't focus on getting myself healthier. That's a very scary statement but one that has certainly brought me to tears just thinking about. All my childhood I remember wanting my mom to get healthy, praying that she would lose weight so that she could be healthier and be around when I had kids one day. My biggest fear became a reality when I lost her at only 70 years old. I can only imagine that had she lost the weight and became healthier, it most likely would have added many more years to her life. I do not want to leave that legacy for my children. I would love to live a long life and see my children do amazing things and meet my grandchildren or great grand kids. I know we are not promised tomorrow but thinking about those golden years certainly warms my heart and makes me feel joy.
The weight has always been an issue. I carry it around like the evil devil on my shoulder, as the angel sits on the other side telling me, do this not that... don't eat that, you know you want it... ugh. I have struggled so long with this issue. I just want released of it. Yet I haven't in so many years that I can recall even prayed about it. I don't even recall asking God to remove the sinful nature that I have to over indulge. Why? Well I'm not really sure. Maybe it's the shame factor. I know that's silly because the Lord sees all of my struggles daily. Why would he be upset with me over this 1 simple thing that has plagued me my entire life? There really are no excuses. My God is bigger than any struggle that I face and he can and will move mountains for me, if I'm bold enough in my faith to speak the words. I plan on praying daily about this. I'm making a list of daily prayers and this will be high on my own prayer commitment. Thank God I have a savior who cares enough about me to be there for me through it all. I never recognized how truly powerful that is. :)
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