Last night while taking pooh out for his last potty trip I was standing on my front porch staring at the beautiful night sky as I often do. It was such a peaceful night and the stars were brightly shining overhead. After a brief minute passed I saw a falling star and was shocked at the surreal nature of the moment. God's beauty is always there but we often fail to recognize or appreciate it. It was in that passing thought that I started to recall fond memories of my life and those I love who have gone on to be with the Lord. It's hard to fathom that one day we will all walk together in God's presence but that knowledge is measurably more important to me than anything else in comparison.
I have recently felt compelled to discuss eternal life and salvation with my almost 5 year old. I know that God has been leading me in this but for some reason every time I try, Ian starts to clam up and gets emotional. He is very sensitive and relates heaven to death (not exactly how I want him to perceive it). Though our life here on earth as we know it does end, I have tried to explain the best way I know how that if we know Jesus and have accepted him as our personal savior and are forgiven for our sins, we have eternal life in heaven with those who have also accepted Christ.
When John's grandma died I wasn't sure if I wanted to take Ian to the funeral. Aevan is a little younger and wasn't able to recognize that gram wasn't sleeping but Ian knew that she was with Jesus. John took him up to the casket and explained to him that he didn't have to be sad because Gram was healed and no longer needed her earthly body. He went on to say that even though she lost her legs because she was sick, in heaven she is walking with Jesus and that she is very happy. Ian still cried a little and was understandably upset by the experience but we wanted to be honest and for him to learn that it's okay for us to be sad when we lose a loved one but that we will one day be with them again if we trust the Lord.
Ever since this experience, the conversation of eternal life has been tough to have with Ian. Almost as soon as I bring it up he will hide his face and begin to cry. I really feel like I need to explain it better, in a way that he understands it's okay to discuss. I think that he is afraid that I will leave him one day and he is fearful of me not being here. That really makes me sad because I too feared that a lot since my parents were much older when they had me. My mom was around for a long time (until I was 34) but losing her even then was devastating. Ian has seen me cry and heard me say I miss my mom so perhaps this has influenced his perception of death in a poor way :(
I will be researching some books on this topic but if anyone has some suggestions, I'd greatly appreciate some input on the matter. It has never been my intention to upset my son, I just want him to realize how important it is for him to know the Lord and to have salvation. I love my boys so much pray that God blesses each of them in life but even more so, I pray that one day they will accept the Lord as their personal savior so that when the time comes we will all be together in God's perfect presence.
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